Ring the bell, raise a glass, kick your heels up - it's a New Year - 2015!
So what did you do this holiday break?
I didn't get up to too much mischief. I never do. As I age I realize I'm more satisfied staying at home and enjoying a glass of wine with a few friends than partying hard and then waking with a headache the next morning.
I spent Christmas with Margo's family keeping order while carefully inserting my style of mayhem at various points of the evening. Champagne poppers lined the tables at the beginning but the little tykes each had several turns of releasing them and, within minutes, coloured streamers covered everyone. There's always too much food made and I rarely eat to bursting point, despite people coming up to me all night long offering plates of this and that. Margo ate more and wound up paying the price on the way home!
We had a giggle at creating this sexual abomination after seeing it done by someone else on FBook.
Two lemon halves stuck under the skin of a turkey and bammo, it's like a day on any Silicone Strip you see in Hollywood! (Next time I won't use whole halves. I'll knock it back a bit and make them more realistic!)
Alex and Clay are 11 eleven year old identical twins. They belong to two of the nicest people you meet. Unfortunately Alex and Clay have made 2014 a very trying year for their parents. They fight all the time, insulting each other until it turns into an all-out-brawl. I've seen this kind of thing before. There's little to do except split them up. So I offered to - take one for a day and a night, over the break, to give everyone involved respite.
Was this a good thing? My experience with children has always been brief. For various reasons, I never had the joy of being a parent so what sounds like a good idea might turn into a nightmare quickly. He arrived with his backpack over his shoulder and I braced myself for the onslaught as his parents waved goodbye and disappeared along the street.
I took him fishing. See what he caught? Well done Alex!
And it didn't come right away. He had to work for it. 4hrs of chatting, baiting, chatting, chasing toadfish away, casting, unhooking toadfish and chatting, mostly about nothing... he came away with that cod.
We went riding, walking along the beach, taking turns playing dead man's dive in the pool... I fed him, watered him, sent him to bed. Where was the war? What happened to Judgement Day? He stayed for two more days!
Did I mention he was half a twin? I have a new dilemma on my hands. I know you know what comes next. I know you're smiling.... Clay arrives in a day's time.
Wish me luck.
And Happy New Year, Michael